The Vortex - The Story of my Break Up

As I write this I am sitting in the sunshine in my home in Calgary, AB. Just 2 days ago I was in Hawaii, soaking up the last few moments of a trip that would change me forever. How does travel do that? It seems every time we go away, we change. Our perspective changes, our inner world changes, and in many cases - our outside lives do too. 

While in Kauai, I thought in detail about how I wanted to portray the events that were taking place on the island - internally and externally. How to convey this experience so it is a pleasure to write, but also so that my audience (aka fellow cosmic questers who are here to kick some serious love booty) would gain alot of value from my words. 

And so, inspired by Doreen Virtue's work, I decided to tell a story. 

The next words are pages from my life over the last month. I will continue to write these blog posts, and as the story progresses, I hope you gain personal insights that will help you through your own inner adventures. 

Much love and many blessings, 
Mahalo,
xo Beth

Coming to Noniland was a true act of divine synchronicity. 

One day, I was online and came across a great deal to fly to California and back for only a few hundred dollars.

This got my travel senses excited, and before I went to bed that night, I asked Archangel Michael, the angel who oversees our life purpose and next steps - "Would you have me book a trip to California?"

In the morning, I suddenly knew California wasn't right, but I had a sudden urge to go to Hawaii. I had been dreaming about a place with green mountains and turquoise waters, but a trip to Hawaii never really crossed my mind. It wasn't until later that I remembered, months ago, I had put a small word on my vision, because I liked the sounds of it. The word? "Hawaii"

A few days later I was visiting with a friend who had taken David Wolfe's raw nutrition certification course, and I mentioned that I was thinking about a trip to Hawaii that summer. Nikki told me of an internship program at David Wolfe's Hawaiian farm, Nonliand, and I was instantly intrigued.

Just 5 days after that initial conversation, my ticket was booked and I had been accepted as an intern to Noniland, a process I was told later, usually takes months. I left 2 weeks later, in February, far sooner than I had originally intended, but with the full knowledge that divine synchronicity was at play, and I was about to experience a seriously profound and life changing adventure.

Upon arriving to Hawaii, I was so inspired by the greenery, the mountains, and was pleasantly surprised by the soft, gentle energy of the place (it had been formed by volcanoes, after all). Although I was delighted to be there, something wasn't fully computing. I was having bad dreams ever night, and every night, my boyfriend was in them. I shrugged the dreamtime signals off every morning, ready to open my heart to Hawaii, yet only a few days after my arrival, a sudden skype call changed the course of my experience.

My boyfriend called me after a sleepless night on my end. At that point, I knew something wasn't right.

He explained to me that things weren't clicking for him anymore, that he felt like he needed to end the partnership. 

I was in shock, yet deep down, I knew my intuition saw it coming. I had simply stuffed down the signs I didn't want to face.

After getting off the call, it was all I could do to get in a hot shower, and cry. Deep sadness overcame me, as I realized that this time (we had broken up before) - it would really be it. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, we lived together, and had been in each other's lives for almost 3 years. The stories kept playing over in my mind, but through it all, as the water poured over my crying and vulnerable body, I knew I'd be OK. Spirit had a plan for me, and the message I got from Archangel Michael in the Denver airport seemed more appropriate than ever -

"It won't be what you want, but it will be what you need". 

Still, I needed to let myself feel the sorrow, so I just kept crying...

{The story continues next week}

Why I Cried in Yoga Class

Recently I've been on a yoga kick. I've been going to classes almost every day, and for the first time in my life, am completely STOKED on exercising daily.

I'm not surprised that yoga was the activity to do it for me. Yoga is a practice that is much more spiritual + energetic in nature than it first lets on - anybody who's been to a few classes knows this well.

In yoga, we are asked to focus all our attention + breath in the present moment, intending our inhales and exhales to be deep, and permeate our whole being, not just our lungs. We're routinely instructed to "breathe into it" and "follow our breath" while in class.

But what's really happening is we are breathing in life force, and focusing it throughout our physical and energetic bodies; bringing much needed prana to move stagnant, old, energy up and out of our bodies.

This gently, yet firmly, encourages our energetic pathways (nadis) and chakras to open. At first, we may feel resistance, as before we get to the space of openness, we must go through the walls we've built up around that openness. Limiting thoughts, beliefs, even our hopes and dreams, are stored within the place just before our freedom. And, like I said, in order to reach that space of freedom, we must traverse the so called darkness that we've stored around it.

And that's why I cried in yoga. 

The other night, about 15 minutes before the end of practice, emotion overwhelmed me, and all of a sudden, tears were pouring down my face. It felt amazing. Highly emotional, yes, but a complete release. I was in that wall of limitations, releasing it, breath by breath, tear by tear. On the outside, it had to do with my boyfriend, and letting go of attachment - but that was just the trigger. It went so much deeper. I was on my way to a place of freedom and creative expression, and I had yoga to thank.

So next time you go to a class, remember, that whenever you experience a moment of resistance or pain, be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, you are really tapping onto something so much greater and deeper. The resistance means you are touching a wall, a wall of suppression that if you can get through, will lead you to freedom.

Ask yourself -

Can I breathe through it, and allow it to be healed? 
Can I just relax my heart, and let it go?

Freedom is on the other side.

And believe me, you want freedom more than you want attention, cute clothes, or that guy. 

You want it with every cell of your being. So get breathing!


Namaste lovers!
xo Beth

Sobbing on a bathroom floor

{ Inspecting an ancient fallen tree } 

I recently found myself sobbing on a strange bathroom floor, totally entranced by the emotions that were finally pouring out of me. For too long I have been stuffing away emotion, beginning in my teen years when I used to forcefully tell myself “STOP!” whenever I sensed tears. This fear of unhappy emotion inevitably lead to a numbness that encompassed not just the icky stuff, but the good stuff as well.

After a walk in an ancient forest, and a lower-chakra stimulating tea, I realized how profoundly scared I still am of feeling. That’s what lead me to the shedding of tears in that bathroom. And that’s what lead me to this discovery: “In order to feel love, I have to feel my pain.” 

{ Fun fact: This is where they filmed an instalment of Star Wars }

{ The view from under the canopy }

{ Taking a moment to connect }

{ Beautiful rings resting on a giant }

{ Journeying off the path }

{ Mocassins on an impromtu pathway }

Photos 1, 5, 7 & 8 by Sara Rose McKenna of Social City Networking.